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08/12/2010

Writers and Internet Dating

I tried an online dating service. I wanted a date. Sheesh, give me a break okay.

I must say that it's improved a hundred percent since the last time I gave it a whirl way back in it's infancy. See, the first time I tried it, I was doing research for a story. I posted a real profile, used my real photo and hey if I'd met someone, that would have been cool, but I wasn't invested in the process, I just wanted to see how it worked. I got hit on by twelve lesbians and six detroit gangbangers. My profile specifically said I was a woman looking for a man. Sorry ladies, nothing against you, just not the way I roll. My profile also noted that I was looking for a white guy. Nothing against interracial relationships, but my track record is pretty bad without any extra roadblocks thrown into the mix. Needless to say I wasn't impressed with the results and kind of lost interest in the whole story idea.

A while back I decided to give it another shot. This time seriously looking for someone. A friend, a date, who knows. The possibilities are endless and lord knows I spend more time in front of my computer than out around real people so maybe that was the answer. I must say the process is much improved. I met and chatted with maybe 15 or 20 guys. None were in the geographical area that my profile mentioned, but that wasn't really an issue. It was going well, and I met a guy that I wanted to get to know better so we retired to the relative privacy of Yahoo Messenger to continue chatting.

I'm not sure Internet dating is a good choice for writers. I mean, we chat with strangers all the time. It's our job. Yeah, the strangers are mostly in our heads, but they have real conversations and love interests and fights. In our world, they are real people. So I'm chatting with my new friend, and a few days in he dropped the L word. I freaked. We'd been chatting on the internet for only a few days. I couldn't type myself away fast enough. Then I began to wonder if it was my fault. Did I give this nice man reason to think that's what I wanted to hear? Did my words paint an unclear picture of our budding friendship? I weave stories from thin air all the time. Did I write myself into that situation? Maybe writers should be banned from Internet dating anyone except other writers. Then at least the field would be even. What do you think? Have you Internet dated? What was your experience like? Apparently it's working for people. If it worked for you tell us about it in the comments section. Or if it failed spectacularly and you'd like to share, we'd love to hear that too.

Comments

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I met my husband via internet dating ten years ago. The process of getting to my husband from the VERY many bad dates was long and arduous (5months?), but more efficient, frankly, than the other options available to me at the time.
The process from meeting this man to him becoming my husband, best friend and all of that other stuff was even more long and arduous. (5 years).
I don't know if my writerlyness had anything to do with it. The L word would have freaked me out so early, that's for sure. As did many other dates and their particular approached.
But you know what? Bear with it. It really is a numbers game and in the end, when the lesbians and the gangbangers have been filtered out, there's a good chance you will find just what you're looking for.
I say 'Bah' to waiting for chance.

Aw, Claire thank you.
I was seriously thinking of just throwing in the towel, but I might just give it another go.

OMG, I love this story. KD I can just see your face when slowly the word came accross the screen!
I really thought you were going to talk about how people aren't honest on these sites right away etc...
I think you just need to find the right site.
Stop "shopping on the Gay and S&M sites" and you wont have to fend off the girls or gangbangers. Not that there's anything wrong with either.
I think you need to find a friend first, which was how this one started out, and then move on slowly, make sure they understand s l o w l y :) You can do this, give all the "normal" guys out there another chance to meet the fabulous YOU!

Thanks Barb,
Maybe I'll put you up as a character reference. :)

I am quite impressed with your post.. For me online dating is to just judge the behavior for different people so that I can know about the people around me..

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